“Blessed are those who mourn,
“For they shall be comforted.”— Matthew 5:4
Dear young friend,
I don’t know if I can call you “friend”: we’ve only met face to face a couple of times, and — call me “old-fashioned”, but — being a friend is a bit more complicated than clicking a button on Facebook. Still, that’s where I read your lament about missing your grandmother, even several months after she’d passed on.
You think there’s something “wrong” about grieving for this long. You say people are telling you to lighten up and stop dragging down others. I know that it’s easy to coach from the press box, but let me offer something.
First off, I know people who are still grieving the loss of a loved one twenty years after their passing. You’re always going to miss your grandmother, and your grief won’t go away: it will just change, over time. Hey: I’m in my 60s and my dad died eight years ago next week; and I still get twinges of missing him.
Second, since your grandmother made such an impression on you, that means she did a lot of good in your life. Take some time to think about the good things she did for you and see how you can build on that. She left a legacy that is you, and the best legacies keep getting better.
Third, 86 the people who tell you that you’re bringing them down. The people you need are those who will just sit there and not try to say something that will “help”. You need people who will just let you know that they’re there — and really are.
Fourth, here’s a “what-would-Jesus-do” moment:
When Jesus heard [that His cousin, John the Baptist, had been beheaded], He departed from there by boat to a deserted place by Himself. But when the multitudes heard it, they followed Him on foot from the cities.
And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick.— John 14:13-14
Jesus’ first reaction was to go off by Himself, because it’s human to want to be alone at a time like that. But when He saw others coming towards Him, rather than turn inwards to Himself, He reached out and healed them.
Even in His personal sorrow, when the natural tendency is to look inward, He looked outward, to see what He could do for someone else. You can do the same.
But above all, remember that you are blessed when you mourn: among other things, it proves you have a heart that can break; and when that happens, Jesus is right there to comfort us.
God never said this “life thing” would be easy: but He did say that He’ll be with us, every step of the way.